Real Men of Japan- Canadian Dan
Canadian
Dan D is a real man. Unlike the pretentious Hollywood pretty boys who
openly mock me with their good looks by not shaving, having faux greasy
hair, wearing knit caps, Dickies and phony vintage t-shirts. Dan is the
real deal. Hard drinking, fighting, womanizing and always 2 steps ahead
of the man. Dan is the Charles Bukowski of Japan and he doesn't even
know it. He even sports a shiner on his alien registration card, I'd
like to see Johnny Depp try that one. He seems to thrive on being in
trouble with the law, the Yakuza, the ladies and their husbands, Dan
always survives.
A man's man and a seducer of many ladies, he was hit by van while eating an ice cream sandwich in a 7-11 parking lot and then run over by 2 other cars. He tried to walk away before his collapsed lung gave out. He has a liver the size of a life preserver and still drinks daily.
Years ago, when he was an English teacher he suffered a mild heart attack in class. He paused for about a minute, turned purple, took a deep breath, wheezed and kept right on teaching. He went to the hospital only after his third station beer and everyone forced him to.
A
year later he was hospitalized for having walking pneumonia, this was
only discovered because he was bought to the hospital DOA after choking
to death on a chicken bone in Kawaguchi. He was revived and kept in the
Cancer ward for 2 weeks with 3 geezers literally on their deathbeds
because there was nowhere else to put him.
"I'd like to whip you with my belt on the legs, the ass, the thighs. I'd like to make you quiver and cry and then when you're quivering and crying I'd slam it into you pure love."
"I don't want that, Dan. You've never talked like that to me before. You've always done right with me."
"Pull your dress up higher."
"What?"
"Pull your dress up higher, I want to see more of your legs."
"You like my short legs, don't you, Dan?"
"Let the light shine on them!"
Etsuko hiked her dress.
"God Christ shit," said Dan.
"You like my legs?"
"I love your legs!" Then Dan reached across the bed and slapped Etsuko hard across the face. Her cigarette flipped out of her mouth.
"what'd you do that for?"
"You fucked Yuji! You fucked Yuji!"
"So what the hell?"
"So pull your dress up higher!"
"No!"
"Do what I say!" Dan slapped again, harder. Etsuko hiked her skirt.
"Just up to the panties!" shouted Dan. "I don't quite want to see the panties!"
"Yadda, Dan, what's gone wrong with you?"
"You fucked Yuji!"
"Dan, I swear, you've gone crazy. I want to leave. Let me out of here, Dan!"
"Don't move or I'll kill you!"
"You'd kill me?"
"I swear it!" Dan got up and poured himself a shot of straight whiskey, drank it, and sat down next to Etsuko. He took the cigarette and held it against her wrist. She screamed. He held it there, firmly, then pulled it away.
"I'd like to whip you with my belt on the legs, the ass, the thighs. I'd like to make you quiver and cry and then when you're quivering and crying I'd slam it into you pure love."
"I don't want that, Dan. You've never talked like that to me before. You've always done right with me."
"Pull your dress up higher."
"What?"
"Pull your dress up higher, I want to see more of your legs."
"You like my short legs, don't you, Dan?"
"Let the light shine on them!"
Etsuko hiked her dress.
"God Christ shit," said Dan.
"You like my legs?"
"I love your legs!" Then Dan reached across the bed and slapped Etsuko hard across the face. Her cigarette flipped out of her mouth.
"what'd you do that for?"
"You fucked Yuji! You fucked Yuji!"
"So what the hell?"
"So pull your dress up higher!"
"No!"
"Do what I say!" Dan slapped again, harder. Etsuko hiked her skirt.
"Just up to the panties!" shouted Dan. "I don't quite want to see the panties!"
"Yadda, Dan, what's gone wrong with you?"
"You fucked Yuji!"
"Dan, I swear, you've gone crazy. I want to leave. Let me out of here, Dan!"
"Don't move or I'll kill you!"
"You'd kill me?"
"I swear it!" Dan got up and poured himself a shot of straight whiskey, drank it, and sat down next to Etsuko. He took the cigarette and held it against her wrist. She screamed. He held it there, firmly, then pulled it away.
RIP, Dan.
