'Roid Rage on Japan's Beaches 2017
Steroid use in Japan is taking off!
The
first thing I noticed while strolling down the beach this year was
the amount of fit Japanese men. In the past, the only muscles you saw
were those of foreign military men. They were usually too inept to
pick up Japanese women due to their youth and complete lack of
Japanese language ability.
Shonan's pocket-sized Hercules sure have gotten more buff the past couple of years... very suspicious it is.
Now, on any given day at Shonan, dozens of men with six packs and bulging biceps will be cruising up and down the beach, taking selfies with whoever asks, basking in the admiration. They seem to live for the weekends of July and August when they can strut around shirtless.
My
new friend Ito (35), is natural bodybuilder / powerlifter and regular
beach-goer since 2001, filled me in on the hot scoop.
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| " Do not take their photos! They feed off of it. Their egos are too big as it is. I'll send you one."- Ito |
I've
seen a lot of really buff Japanese guys on the beach this year.
What's going on?
" These dipshits in Mori's bodybuilding club are full of shit,
Prince, that's what's going on. These punks even can't mention the
word steroids. They're all on gear, they'll never fess up though. It
would cut down on the 'all-natural' bullshit fake natties use to
perpetuate the myths of their superior genetics. They spend more time
at the tanning salon than they do in the squat cage! And, Prince,
these dudes are also are responsible for demonizing steroid use in
Japan in the first place!"
You're
looking good this year. What's your workout routine like these
days?
“ Thanks
Prince! I'm an overall good package, chest, shoulders, biceps, lats,
traps and calves are great, but my weak points are triceps and
forearms.I'd say my upper body is only now in proportion with my
legs. If I was to hazard a guess as to why it'd be because I have
crazy full quad insertions and extremely low calves with very thick
joints. Fingers crossed I don't have daughters- if I do they'll be on
the Olympic wrestling team! I'm naturally pretty hairless. I've got a
big thick, natural bush. Looks like a troll doll's hair. I don't
groom it at all. I believe natural bodybuilders should be ALL
natural. Mori's guys are always plucking and shaving each other in
the sauna at Gold's- pathetic!
I've
had fags in the locker room tell me they'd like to scrub their face
with my pubic hair. I'm not sure how I feel about that. Everything
else is pretty average, if not just so so, my chest took years to
grow, biceps are short with no peak, abs are slightly asymmetrical
and quite narrow.
That said you can find aesthetic examples of people with the same flaws so I don't over think it. I've never had a body issue because I compare myself with the average Japanese guy, not the average meathead at my gym taking steroids.”
These day tripping gals from rural Chiba are thrilled after taking dozens of selfies with Mori and his friends. They didn't notice Ito and I chatting nearby
So
you don't care much for Mori and his friends over there?
"
Please! I'd shove a dozen protein bars up Mori's hairless ass- sans
lubrication- if he was here alone, and he knows it! Son of a bitch
never comes to the beach alone. These guys are fake naturals- and
it's an issue worth pointing out, where I absolutely work out just as
hard as them. I think it hits to the heart of the single biggest
problem in the Japanese fitness industry.
If
we could liberate the industry from fake natural faggots and
profiteering on the basis of it, more good useful knowledge would be
propagated, less honest guys would be scammed for worthless
bodybuilding products, and our self image would overall improve."
You
really hate him, huh?
"Last
year at Gold's, Mori comes up and takes a 5 kilo plate off my bar and
puts it on his bar. I just look at him like I'm gonna snap his
vascular neck. So I go and take it off his bar before he sets up and
put it back on mine while he's on his phone, he's always fucking with
his phone. If he's not looking at his phone he's looking at himself
in the mirror...Faggot.
Later,
I see that prick squatting the same weight he benched. Bro, it's a
squat. Add some weight.
And
then I notice he didn't even re-rack his bench weights! Fucking gym
enemy identified!"
Maybe
these guys are suffering from narcissistic personality disorder. You
should be more understanding.
"Fuck'em
! I'll tell ya, these rich kids are full of hot air and use too much
hair gel- that's why they won't go near the water here. I'll wear a
fucking rag or towel on my head all day long. I don't care about that
pretty boy shit. Peter North gets less upset if you touch his hair
than those guys."
Ito's beach buddies are always horsing around and getting pumped at the same time. Natural bodybuilders and power lifter type guys don't have sexy ladies asking to take selfies with them.
|
You
have to admit that they look pretty good.
(Getting
red in the face and angry) "I
don't have to admit shit! These idiots dehydrate themselves for like
10 hours before they come down to the beach. And, with these
temperatures? They might have a pulmonary embolism or
something.They're nuts! I'll kick any of their phony asses from here
to the Omotesando Gold's Gym. Leave me alone now, Prince. Your
questions are starting to annoy me."
" You can crack a dozen walnuts in my ass crack. I'll kick Mori's crew's waxed asses and have time for a steak dinner"
" You can crack a dozen walnuts in my ass crack. I'll kick Mori's crew's waxed asses and have time for a steak dinner"
I left Ito and his natural friends alone and thought I'd hook up with them later after they had a few more drinks. I thought that the hot sun, alcohol and jealousy were a bad combination. I hoped he would be OK. His fiery Asian temper had gotten him in hot water on other occasions.
Akio "Aki" Koyama, (53). Aki is well known on the beach for his skimpy swimwear and his large, constantly erect penis.
What's
your deal? You quite well known on the beach as being a creep who
always walks around with an erection.
"Years ago, when I first saw these musclemen together in front of the gym near my university, I was shocked. I immediately began comparing my body to theirs. Their pecs were swole and juicy, their asses were a miracle of youth: bite-able like apples. I felt doughy and pasty compared to them. Myself and many other men on the beach tried to figure out what we could do to be more like them. I needed to fix something in myself, and then I would be OK."
So,
you started working out?
Oh
lord no! I just decided to emphasize the gift the gods gave me. My
uncut, vein engorged penis. Nobody knows what I'm packing for most of
the year, but summers I can go to the beaches and pools and show it
off. I'm what you would call a 'show-er', I don't grow much at
all except for some swelling on my glans. One of these days a size
queen, who doesn't mind an older man will chat me up. One of these
days...
Are
you married?
Not
really. I'm very warm- but unemotional. My relationship with my
wife is just a partnership based on a shared harmony. Sexless
since our Honeymoon in Hawaii in 1983. I'm too thick for her down
there. My marriage has been a painfully shitty existence for many
years.
" We like tough guys. Tough guys with big pecs. Who cares how they got them?"
Sadly,
Shonan's lady guests seem to prefer the chemically enhanced muscles
above all else. Sexy 24 year old office workers, Aika and
Tsubasa, don't have time for natural bodybuilders and weak, well
endowed men.
The
night didn't end well. My beach friend Ito had a few too many drinks,
and then got fresh with some of Mori's friends at the Malibu Beach
Bar. Ito was on the receiving end of a knuckle sandwich and needed to
be taken to the hospital overnight with a concussion and a broken
jaw. We never got to say goodbye for the summer.
Ito couldn't speak when I called the following night, due to his jaw being wired shut.
Neither Mori or any members of his posse agreed to be interviewed for this article.
