The Inside Scoop on Zushi Beach

New Rules 2014 Series
The 2014 Zushi Beach rule amendments are distinctly anti-foreigner. In response to them, foreigners are flocking to Yuigahama and Enoshima's beaches to escape these blatant discriminations. White residents of the Shonan area say these changes in rules, law and the enforcement of laws on the beach are due to a shift in power in the region. Those politicians in power in Zushi, who were once friendly with the US military and their horny men carousing the beach, are long gone. These ideas are appealing to  Zushi people because they need a simple explanation for the social disparities they see all around them.

The biggest problem in Zushi is the loop that xenophobia sucks foreigners into. Since 1995, foreigners walking from the station to the beach are stopped and have their bags searched by police five times more often than Japanese- even scary looking ones with punch perms and tattoos, due to profiling. More and more offenses pile up against them because the cops are looking for them to fuck it all up.

No music on the beach make this yanqui's cool purchase useless today.

From 1980 to about 2002, Western European and North American foreigners were viewed by Zushi locals as classy and sophisticated, today the white man is viewed in a different light. These gormless cheapskates are uncouth and with zero concern for their reputations, or that of their countrymen.

Most Zushi locals see this parade of tattooed, drunken foreigners on the beach as lecherous barbarians after their innocent women. Zushi residents, for most of their history, were able to separate themselves from criminal elements. If you got rich, then you could move into an area like Zushi or Chigasaki, where those criminal elements had a much more difficult time influencing your property values and your sweet children's morals. 

My friend, Masaharu Ohara (in the green shirt) , manager of Blue Lovely Sea is outraged.

After serving me my mint meal, Masaharu sat with me to give me the   inside scoop,


“They (foreigners) don't even buy alcohol from our beach shops. They'll buy a  whole case of shitty Budweiser or Coor's on the army base down at Yokosuka for 800 yen and bring it down here. Don't even get me started on the Russians! Those motherfuckers bring Vodka from somewhere and they'll actually mix cocktails on the beach in front of the bars! Sometimes they'll even demand I give them cups and ice for free. These perverts think I'm running a public service here.

Blue Lovely Sea has some tasty Lobster a la Masaharu.

This practice totally bypasses the time honored Japanese system of keeping the local crime families from overcharging 700 yen a can to the regular Japanese customers. I have to give a pretty big kickback to these guys for all of July and August no matter how much I sell. Sometimes, when they run out of booze, they'll buy a can and become argumentative about the prices. Assholes."




He doesn't hate all foreigners though. 

"I like you, Prince. You're one of the good ones. Some of these older, white fags who work in finance in Tokyo or something are much better. They'll actually buy some of my overpriced wine bottles and buy the little, hairless beach twinks here my lobster rolls and Mojito premium cocktail drinks. These old fruits try and liquor them up so they can suck their little dicks in the portable toilets. I don't see anything wrong with that, mind you. If you middle aged homos want to eat a teenage boys hairless ass, who am I to interfere? Means more chicken for me. ”

No beach, No life! Zushi's family friendly image will stay intact. Like this young man's daikon shaped cock.

A criminal element kicked off the beach house business in Zushi and all of the Shonan beach area in the late 1960's. Low ranking yakuza, who were paying their dues, were sent their by their superiors to operate and exploit the unprestigious beach house trade. Mostly by charging outrageous prices for beach bed and beach umbrella rentals- this has been going on so long that the prices have become to be seen as fair.

Popular foreign, exhibitionist Zushi resident, Kip Schwartz has a different take on things.

“Don't listen to that cranky old fuck, Masaharu Ohara. He's full of shit. His business is losing money cause the food sucks. I tried one of his new lobster roll sandwich things he's selling this year- it tasted like a Sicilian fisherman wiped his ass with it. He's always blamed everything he fails at on everyone but himself.

As for the crackdown, well foreigners are actually just caught in the crossfire. Collateral damage if you will.

 I'll tell you what really happened, it was a murder at Zushi last summer. Right in front of The Bronx Beachouse, two chimpira from one of the local yakuza families got into an argument over some nonsense- a girl or something. Then and a drunk rival guy picked up a  butcher knife from the counter and slashed the tattooed little guy's gut. Just a flesh wound I think. He took off screaming like a banshee. He lived. The cops found him a few hours later crying like a little baby on a side street.

No fucks were given by these gals as a man bled to death in front of them last summer.

Then his buddy, a much bigger guy with even more tattoos, started shouting at the guy who did it and then he got stabbed right in the neck. He bled out right there on the beach- in front of about thirty horrified customers. No one even tried to help him as he lay there holding his neck, gurgling blood like a stuck pig. People just all left quickly, a lot of them left their stuff on the beach and got out of this bad area. It took the Ambulance at least 15 minutes to get to him. Poor bastard."


I told Kip I didn't hear about this. He wasn't surprised.

"It was in the English edition online newsfeeds the next day, but only a small blurb. Zushi politicians called up the press and told them to squash the story. Never made it to print. It was bad for the property values and some big, new condo complex the city officers were getting money from. The story disappeared... It's hard to find any mention of it online anywhere. Scrubbed clean from the internet. As we all know,the Japanese press caves in quickly to political pressure.

Anyway, the typical Japanese response was to overreact and ban everything fun. No booze, tattoos or music."

Everyone is still welcome at Enoshima!

I asked what the connection with foreigners was,

"This was to discourage mostly the US military types from coming here. Yanquis, chimpira, yakuza, foreigners, tattoo enthusiasts, gyaru- you name it. Anyone seen as undesirable was banned. Foreigners with big tattoos are really looked down by people here.  Anyway, typical Japanese reaction to an isolated incident. So, that's why there is no fun to be had here this year. Family beach now. I'm pretty sure in the next couple of years these rules will be relaxed or not enforced. Money talks in Zushi.”

Drunken men were literally picking up drugged local women on the beaches before these new laws.

The nearly naked Kip used to be quite buff, but this year his abdomen looked a bit fatty- not muscular like in the past. The bulge in his swimwear still looked promising- but I've been told that most of it was sadly testicles.

Drunken creeps litter Shonan's coast.



Yuigahama in Kamakura and the notorious Enoshima beach, with their laid-back and friendlier peoples are attracting more and more of the scumbags and cheap white devils. While whites, blacks and tattooed Japanese are seen as unappealing in Zushi, the Enoshima people get a kick out of having them around.

Enoshima locals are viewed as poor, terribly dressed, socially awkward and a bit weird by the other, much wealthier Shonan area residents. Enoshima people view the rich from Zushi as snobby and incapable of breaking free from their boredom.

Enoshima's boardwalk is crime ridden and full of scumbags these days.

Thanks to cheap access from the affordable Odakyu line, Tokyo area's most miserable, ghastly forms simmer in the hot sun along the Enoshima boardwalk. Here, the official dregs of society, the scum of Japan, the lowlife's lowlives- who Princess Dianna would'nt bother to help, come to play. Enoshima is in some ways a Japanese, white trash Jersey Shore, while Zushi is trying to be the Hamptons of Japan.

Although he's getting paunchy, Kip knows the hot poop in the Shonan Beach scene.

The lower classes from Kanagawa like to frequent the beach in Enoshima. They're well known for going through your belongings, looking for money and electronics while you swim. There were 170 reported thefts in July alone. Leaving your shit unattended is inviting disaster. All the losers who can't make it in their own areas come and be losers here.

 Even Enoshima's back streets are looking shittier every season.