The Faux Homos Of The Rainbow Pride Festival

The 2012 Rainbow Pride Festival was overrun by straight guys looking for pussy this year.  Single Japanese women love gay men more than anything in the world. Being around them is a status symbol and having one or two as close friends are great for bragging rights in their shallow social circles.

 Some of the straight men I met at the festival have been aware of this since some famous pick up artists starting using faux homoism as a technique. The park was full of straight guys role playing they were gay and many were getting results.

 

 

Creepy is the new sexy.

 

 

 

 

Japanese women are getting fed up of straight guys running lines on them. 

"If you let me take you out later they'll have to rewrite all the Astronomy books- Cause Uranus will be destroyed!!"  
Was actually overheard being used by an amateur pick up artist on the train ride down.

Tokyo's women are more stuck up than ever. A huge amount of them are actually holding out for some Korean idol they'll never get to meet. Thanks to an ever increasing number of trained pick up artists, there is an open hostility to Japanese single men. 'Creep' or 'creepy' are the most overused words nowadays. It's really annoying to hear dumpy women, who you wouldn't want to fuck in the first place, talk about a guy who dared to look at them as a 'creep'. These non threatening, faux homos are onto something.

 

Most men who are there in the first place don't have to fake it. They are automatically assumed to be gay by everyone else there. By my estimates, about 25% of the men there were fake gays.

Daisuke Mori, (34) of Otsuka is a fake bi-sexual man. 

"I wish it was a bit warmer out so I could go shirtless, my abs are totally halved. These fag festivals are great for picking up liberal straight chicks. They know how to schuck a dick too, they get pointers from the queers they hang out with at the gay bars in Shinjuku. Generally they have an open attitude to sex as the guys they're always hanging out with are so obsessed by it.

 

 

Daisuke works up the crowd!

  

I've been marching for the past hour and a half waving this heavy flag, it means gays should be able to adopt young boys for sexual purposes or something. I saw that a lot of chicks put it on their Facebook page to show they were gay friendly and all with the times. I gotta sit down after that long march, my dogs are barking!"

 

 

Tokyo's Gay & Lesbian Gaijin Marching Band is actually 100% really gay.

My new wingman, Daisuke lived in LA from 1985-93. He's very insightful to gay life in Tokyo and has some interesting observations.

"I tell all these little whores that I'm bi. I ain't really, but it intrigues them... You tell them you're straight and they take off. Japanese women are fascinated by  gay and bi-sexual guys. After I bang 'em a couple times I'll confess I ain't really into cock. 

The funny thing is, I am happy playing a queer. "


Unlike most of the faux homos in the park today, Daisuke actually has experimented with men. He views himself more of a participant observer, than an actual bisexual man.

 

"I do enjoy the blow jobs from dudes, but I have to admit, I'm always closing my eyes and fantasizing about women I know. Guys are generally better cocksuckers too, not always but I'd say 90% of the time.  It's easiest with BJ's, and I haven't yet been on the "receiving end" of sex. Well, except for sometimes at the beach in Enoshima. But I'm usually really drunk.  I'm not into water sports. It's cool if that's your thing, I'm not judgemental or nothing. 

 I also don't like some other things about being gay. Spitting! Shit, it's just gross and its becoming way too common in 2 cho mae. Waxed and shaved white guys. Seriously, I don't want to feel like I'm with an Asian guy, that's gross and it makes me feel uncomfortable. There's nothing wrong with some chest and shoulder hair and on a foreign guy."

 

 

"I'm all for gay marriage, if a bunch of guys wanna keep busy playing with each other's bungholes it means more chicks for me"

“All the gay fellows I know in Tokyo have tons of close girlfriends. So I come with another straight friend and we pretend we just broke up, then we pull the whole 'I think I may try pussy' thing and tell all the girls you meet that think you're gay anyway. I'm sure many of them would be thrilled to see if they're the one that turns a 'gay' man straight.  

 I love getting head from both male and female partners, but I cum more with male partners. Japanese girls usually stop to take too many breaks, or decide that 10 seconds is long enough and they need to tease me more. White and black guys don't do that. They're more mechanical about the whole action and goal-oriented."

 

When traditional pickup methods have failed, being "gay" is becoming the hot trend for Tokyo's single men looking for gals.

"Anyway, act gay and the end result is that you end up slaying a bunch of pussy! A girl thinks she turned a gay man straight, making her feel great about herself and boosting her self-esteem, you gets out of this lie you've been living scot-free and maybe even have a hot girlfriend whom he has already built a great friendship with."

This popular cap at the festival is charming when worn on a gay man.
 

"I watch a bit of gay porn for training but a lot of shit bugs me , like the hairless twinks or shaved muscle guys, 10 min close ups of dicks going in and out of the ass, cum shots that only focus on the dick that's shooting. Show the guy shooting, not just his dick. 


Hearing the sweaty, puffy fat producer talk to the actors. These guys have amazing bodies, but they're showing the most unattractive parts. We want to see these guys working their bodies and making their best orgasm faces.  It's kind of a hard-on killer for me and most straight guys I know. I always fast forward through those parts anyways. I like full-body shots.” 

The real gays of the festival kept to themselves in the VIP area.

The thing that really annoys fake rump wranglers about the gay porn nowadays are the totally interchangeable types: The Twink, The Jock, The College Boy, The Bear, The Black Dude Who Wants To Dominate Asian People, The Tiny Dicked Japanese Guy Who Wants To Be Dominated By White Guys, etc. Tokyo's gay porn buyers want to see more diversity and real guys in porn, not just some model, or some racist stereotype.

Where are the Akihabara nerds? The older salarymen? The Johnny's types? They'd like to see the young guys from the college baseball team with matching crew cuts gang raping a guy who looks Korean. And then there's the mosaics! There's so little creativity in Japanese gay porn.

Some of Tokyo's hottest fag hags were in attendance.

You could always say you were just bi-curious, but have realized that you don't feel the same sexual desire for men that you do for women (if this is true). If your friends truly care about you they will try to support you, though I am sure that depending on how deeply you lied about your "gayness" it could end up in a shit storm. They should enjoy being friends with you for who you are, not your sexual orientation.

Daisuke adds,

"Anyway, sex is hard for me with guys, but I guess I would say it is worth it. It's very invasive. I do like them, if not sexually, then in every other way. Besides, after a while sex isn't the most important thing, in any relationship. So, yeah, I am just confused."
  

After a couple more drinks, the chatty Daisuke won't shut the fuck up,


"I'm not attracted to feminine guys but I'm also not attracted to super girly Japanese women. That doesn't mean I dislike those types of people. I have no issue with feminine men, I'm a fan of SMAP and the late Michael Jackson. And ,I don't worry if something I do might be perceived as feminine.  And super feminine women can be fun to be around- for a bit. 

I hate false masculinity, guys trying to act masculine for fear of being perceived as soft. I also loathe the hyper-masculine stuff like San Francisco leather men or Tom's of Finland shit."

 If anyone is interested, there is an well known, older dating guru-  Atsuhiro sensei, who teaches the "acting bi technique" in a 2 day boot camp. He can be seen in the Yoyogi Park dog run on weekends and his popular books can be found online.


He declined to be interviewed for this report, he feels this technique is already being overused in Tokyo's pickup scene. 

 Oy vey! I gotta get the fuck out of here and eat some terrorist shit before I catch AIDS.