Hokkaido vs. Tokyo: The Hidden Class War

Screw Tokyo! Not only are the crab bits well past their expiry date, they are way overpriced!

 

Fuck these motherfuckers! These people never have to mess up their manicures and always have soft hands. They eat that organic shit that gets delivered to their 30^th floor mansions. I'm out here busting my ass for these pricks. I hope they choke to death on my crab. I'm down here 5 days a year for this festival and I make more in those 5 days than I do all summer- that's all I gotta say about it.

56 year old crab boat captian / owner,  "Crabby"Mitsuhiro Asou of Hokkaido is as mad as hell and doing something about it! He's here at the annual Hokkaido Festival in Yoyogi Park to make some quick cash and get out of Dodge with his money and crew.

While it was very crowded, the crowd was mostly unattractive people from the suburbs. It was a nightmare for a single person looking for some action. I saw only 2 or 3 attractive women in my time there.  If you want action, the Jamaican or Brazilian festivals are your best bet. The Thai and Indian festivals have some potential as well.....

So the good people of Tokyo, who support you and your community are your enemy?

The only people I hate more are the fucking Russians who try to cut into my turf up at home. It's Japan's crab. They give us troubles all year. These privileged fucks down here give me grief only for 4 days. I gotta deal with so much bullshit coming down here.

Smoked meats had little danger of making you sick.

What type of trouble do you have in Tokyo? The line to buy your crab is about 45 minutes long.

I gotta bring my crew down here. We drive down and it takes about 25 hours from Kushiro in 3 trucks. We bust our ass collecting and processing all these crabs. I'll sell the good shit up at the local restaurants. I give these assholes down here the garbage. Rotten and defective shit. I cook the fuck out of it and they don't know nothing. These assholes are all a bunch of claimers anyway- why give them the good stuff? They'll just bitch, “ oh, it's so expensive”, anyway.

We charge the average jerk about 3,000 yen per order. Some cheap fucks say they want only one though. That pisses me off. What type of moron waits on line this long to have one fucking piece? I'll give that guy the real shit that I wouldn't even leave for the crows.

The unseasonably warm October weather made this rotting catch spoil even faster than normal!

What are you so angry? The good people here are crazy for your food and you're overcharging them about ten times more than you could in Hokkaido.

Yeah. But you gotta take into account that I gotta pay off the local crime family that runs these festivals. They get two thirds percent of my take. In exchange, I get exclusive rights to sell the grilled crab. Some other guys sell the Kani Miso and frozen or fresh crabs. I gotta make that up somehow. Also, if the weather is good, like today I can really fuck them. Yesterday it rained until about 2pm so we had a low turnout. I hooked people up if they came out. The line was only about 5 minutes. 

The sexy Hokkaido Prefecture Dance team had little effect on the family friendly crowds.

 

So the Yakuza get 30%? I thought they were put out of business and that was illegal since last year?

What are you fucking deaf and stupid? Who do you think put this whole thing together? This festival is huge. A lot of people have to be taken care of for this to go off smoothly. If I tried selling these old crabs at home I'd be beaten. I save money and cut corners as much as possible. You think we refrigerated the trucks bringing this stuff down? Those trucks cost money. We put it on ice after we get to the park. It takes a good 48 hours for any type of Norivirus and something like that to kick in anyway, we'll be long gone. Most of these spoiled Tokyo cunts who went to Waseda or Keio are too stupid to know if they got sick from me or their trophy wife's new recipe from the ABC Cooking studio.

This rich Tokyo art type stuffs her wealthy face with an overpriced treat from up North.

Is everything at the festival corrupt and dangerous to eat?

No, the packaged shit is safe. Marked way the fuck up, but safe. Also, I'd eat the grilled corn. That's only marked up about 1000% and they get a local vendor and some part timers to sell that shit. The potatoes are OK, but the turnover is so fast they ain't cooked nearly as much as they should be. The demand is just too high to bother preparing them properly. What the fuck to the vendors care if the customer ain't happy? We're all outta here Monday night.

The beer is also good. It's local and imported to Tokyo throughout the year anyway. If you come on the last day and it ain't busy you'll get much more for your money, I'll throw in some extra pieces so you feel better. It's all shit anyway. Just more shit so I don't have to throw it out. If we have anything left on the final day , about an hour before closing... That's good. But the weather today was great and most places are all sold out since about 2:30-3pm.

Can I eat the Shellfish?

What did I just tell you?!? Get the fuck out of here, I'm tired of speaking English. Talk to my son.

Asou san's 3,000 yen BBQ Crab Platter tasted like charcoal mixed with a yeast infection.

Asou san's son, Noriyuki is on a cigarette break and also fluent in English.

Do all Hokkaido people hate Tokyo as much as your father?

I hate Tokyo because they never feel the evil of poverty, and they are so far removed from the consequences of their lifestyles and greed they can see people like you and I as sheep,as disposable, as inferiors. They think the homeless as lazy. You spoiled Tokyo jerks can pretend the homeless want to be homeless,and that they deserve to suffer, the rich won't suffer at all, they will sleep at night regardless of how the people in Tohoku and Hokkaido suffer in poverty, cold and radiation. They sleep in heated beds in Ralph Lauren linens, guardmen watching over them like parents. 

Even the dogs are spoiled and ungrateful for the food rural Japan supplies them with.

 

Well, actually Tokyo has a huge underclass. The rich are a small percentage of the people here today.

Bullshit. I hate them for even more than the Chinese.

They get to have time, I have no free time. I wake up at 4am and go out on my father's fishing boat. I get back into port at 5pm and processing takes another two hours. We then all go to the local izakaya. Smoke endless cigarettes and drink into oblivion. The only women we see are obachan or the young part time workers who are often relatives of other fisherman, so we can't even sexually harass them. Most of us get married at about 21 due to lack of options and desperation- the cute and confident ones leave. We marry and knock them up young to get them off the market. Tokyo men usually date multiple women, go to gokans and have a social life before settling down at about 30. Am I jealous because I have no time?
Japanese people have NO time because they have been taught they must pay to exist . So they must run to work and to school, go home and eat quickly , go to bed late, get up early to get back to work, because wages are 1970's wages and costs have gone far past the 2012 prices. 

These scallops stink to high heaven! Many shops douse them in butter and soy sauce to cover the rotting stench.

 

There's 37 million people in the metropolitan Tokyo area. Are they all scum to you and your village? There are many losers on the Seibu and Tobu lines who live paycheck to paycheck. Many areas where the women are ugly, like Arakawa and Koto ku....

Allow me to interrupt, Tokyo people don't only get time,they have meaningful time. Time to enjoy the arts and live music houses- even of they're full of fruity music snobs who are too hip for the room. You people have time to go socialize in a trendy place,without being hassled by security or sales people demanding they BUY something to occupy the space. The rich live in cool neighborhoods I can only see on TV programs. Shimokitazawa, Shibuya, Daikanyama..... not rural Hokkaido, Tohoku or some shit atomized suburbs you see on Saitama or Chiba. They can develop a good social life. 

 A good life is built up by having free time to enjoy being around others, do interesting things,have a meaningful relationship with a sexy and stylish lady. Our hot girls leave as soon as they are 18. They go to Sapporo or Tokyo.Tokyo is the reason many of us guys are so alone. My sexy cousin moved to Tokyo to go to beauty college and she met a much older, married banker who's into all into cock and ball torture.   She was supposed to come back and open a shop, but now she's staying there forever.

Some of the less popular vendors took advantage of the warm weather to attract female customers.

Your father made a lot of money today.  I know crab is a very lucrative fish and the cost of living in Hokkiado is quite low. Why don't you come to Tokyo and build a life here?

We Hokkaido people have no problem doing so, since we know the real value of money. "Affluenza" is a problem in Tokyo, both for its rich cunt citizens, who have trouble spotting signs of their own recession, and for its repulsive community of handsomely paid white devils like you. If they show their face in my town I'll personally beat the shit out them. We loathe Tokyoites and enjoying shitting all over them , spoiled brats with more cash than they know what to do with.  Nice scooters with a trendy gold digging bitch on the back and the foreign cars and the cocky attitude that goes with them, are a far too common sight in shit Tokyo. We come down here to Yoyogi Park every October and rip you all off. It's not enough -but it will have to do until something else happens.

Motherfuck " Crabby" Asou san and the other vendors at the festival!  I'll get the good shit at my local izakaya.