KISS disrespects Japan's number one Kiss tribute band

 KISS takes money from the Tokyo fans one last time.

 KISS Haneta, the former number one KISS tribute band in Japan, and one of the best in Asia, made a public appearance at Tokyo Dome as special guests of the band. 

"We were voted the best KISS makeup era tribute in Japan in 2010 through 2015, then again in 2018 by the KISS Army Japan. We got fucked over this year by that dumb comedy tribute, Gene Simmonz Cherry Red Asshole this year. The Japanese KISS fans spoke and we need to respect their decision, but it's bullshit."  

Hiroshi Hoshi-Ko ( Ace) whines. 

" For starters, GENE SIMMONZ Cherry Red Asshole? They don't even play any instruments and there's only two of them! What the fuck is that nonsense? I feel it's disrespectful to the Catman and Spaceman characters. We pay a full tribute, not a half assed, zany one. 

I admit that I fucked up and used a white, Tommy Thayer signed Epiphone Les Paul when one of the Lieutenants from the KISS Army Japan was at our show in Fukuoka. It was very irresponsible of me. He mentioned it after the show and said we need to stay consistent with era authenticity to hold our title. I bought that guitar on the 2017 KISS Kruise and only used it that one show.  Just that one time..."

 Rich, spoiled families like this got to attend the full service VIP meet and greet thanks the their dad's job at some investment bank. They probably only stayed an hour anyway.


 "The KISS Kruise VII was so fun, I took a selfie with famous KISS writer, Julian Gill from @kissfaq on that Kruise. He was much heavier than I expected and sounds all academic and British or something- maybe just well educated. That guy must be rich from all the KISS books he writes though. I bet he got an actual Paul Stanley Washburn stage used, signed guitar and meet and greet for up to three people and four additional items signed. That package was almost $20,000. Tommy's was just $2800. New ones are only worth about $350, but I owed it to Tommy."

  Hiroshi and KISS Haneta had a good laugh posing for photos with fans outside Tokyo Dome.

"Last week, the Japan KISS tour management sent us an email inviting us to come hang out before the show, the invite didn't include transportation from Kobe though, so we spent about $300 each to get up here on the shinkansen. The hotel also was our responsibility. We also had to take a couple days off from work cause it was a Tuesday."

 The sexy ladies had more interest in buying official goods and selfies than pics with KISS Haneta.

"We got into town and went straight to our rooms so we could get dressed up and go to the official tour goods line to meet and greet the fans, some of those pathetic fucks had been waiting in the cold since 7AM! We did get a famous porn star who wanted a pic with the full band, Minato Riku. She loves KISS. She said she'll follow us on Twitter. But she hasn't even put the pic up on her Instagram. Fucking pig bitch.

We're the best tribute in Japan for sure. My costume is an exact replica of the 1977 Love Gun tour one that Ace used. I mean exact! Custom made by one of the best tailors in Kobe. I'm even almost the same size as Ace was back then. Although the real Ace is quite juicy now, I've been maintaining my weight through keto an intermittent fasting. It' ain't easy keeping a 30 inch waist at 53 years old, Prince."

Quite a few ladies wanted photos for Instagram with Hiroshi and the band. None wanted to exchange contact info though.

2019 KISS Army Japan Best Makeup Era Tribute band, GENE SIMMONZ Cherry Red Asshole, are more of a comedy act than a proper tribute. They do a silly melody of the hits with a karaoke machine, and a lot of Paul's onstage banter and moves, a mix of broken English and Japanese. Their act is only 15 minutes long (KISS Haneta do up to 90). It's said they do quite well as an opening act at many smaller rock shows in the greater Tokyo area. In addition to their 30k Twitter followers, they also make quite a bit of money from T-shirt sales. We materialistic Japanese rock fans love merchandise more than the music.

 2019 KISS ARMY Japan Best Makeup Era Tribute band, GENE SIMMONZ Cherry Red Asshole are more of a comedy act than a proper tribute. They had a small line of fans waiting for photos and were selling their own T shirts for $25.

"It was disappointing to see the other tribute bands were here as well. I understand Gene Simmonz Cherry Red Asshole, but why were shitty #KISS-ZA! and The Elders there? The Elders are fucking weak as fuck, man. They don't even match the eras correctly. Their Gene wears a fucking Star Wars Jawa costume, and their Ace is in the Destroyer tour costume, and he sometimes wears Vinnie Vincent make-up with it! What the fuck is that?  That old queen,Vinnie Vincent looks like an old woman now anyway, no one will address it though. Why not? 

 And their Paul Stanley, Shintaro? He's over 60 and looks like he has AIDS, and wears black Chuck Taylor's on stage cause he has a bone spur. Bunch of poseurs. I will admit, he does have a good voice and they do some deep cuts from the 80's during encores though. I'm sorry for their lame fans. Not a very authentic tribute."

The Elders got first class, backstage treatment. Courtesy of KISS

"Gen-chan, who plays Gene in the Elders somehow finagled his way backstage. Why they do a theatrical tribute to that album that even KISS fans hate is beyond me. Gen-chan, he's one short bastard, but speaks good English so he probably made some calls pretending to be someone else. Fucking pushy prick, just like the real Gene I guess. Gen-chan is good at pushing himself on Facebook though. The Three Sides of the Coin podcast guys give him likes all the time. You know I even bought Gene's The Vault box set for two grand and went to the event in LA last January. That's how I spent my annual one week vacation from the post office. "

These ladies probably had no luck getting backstage to satisfy Gene Simmons.

 

"Gene was so-so super cool to me while signing my vault and told me how much he used to love Japanese pussy. He said the girls would line up outside his room back on the 1970's tours. I think he mumbled something about Japanese guys having small cocks and lasting only 2 minutes, I was so mesmerized I just agreed with everything he said. I got pushed along after about 30 seconds. I'm not saying he's racist, but he spent a lot more time with the white fans, especially if there was woman in the group.  The Vault weighs 17.5 kilos so it cost me about $900 extra to bring it back to Japan on Delta."

The Gene Simmons Vault cost Hiroshi $2000 and $900 to get back to Tokyo.

 

 Hirotaka "Rocketman" Imai, #KISS-Za!'s Ace actually sings 2000 Man and Hard Times from 1979. Yet his costume is from the 1977 era. He had more attractive ladies taking photos than KISS Hatena.

These two fans have no business wearing the facepaint. I doubt they've even heard of Mark St. John or Bob Kulick.

 Sadly, most of the sexy ladies interested in photos with KISS Haneta hit their peak the same time as the Dynasty LP- 1979!

"It's quite sad to say, but I've never been laid as an Ace impersonator. No one in the band has. I played Mick Mars in a Mötley Crüe tribute and got a couple blow jobs from old drunk chicks after shows. Those shows were out in the sticks though an I'm sure I'm the coolest guy they could ever hook up with anyway. I think one show was out in Saga prefecture and the other maybe in Obihiro, up in Hokkaido. I'm sure the actual Tommy Thayer busts nuts with fans all the time with younger, casual fans who don't understand he's just a glorified understudy for the real Ace Frehley. It's sad.

Hell, I would do it, but I'm Asian and I don't think it would look good for KISS when we are interviewed out of make up. I could do it for sure though. I'm sloppy like Ace, Tommy is more of a technician and boring. Did you know Ace also hates Tommy? He really should have insisted on developing his own character and not be the Spaceman character again. I would have changed it."

These two fossils probably went to the Budokan show in '77.

 Many soldiers from worldwide KISS Armies attended the last show ever in Tokyo.

"We got recognized by two captains from the Austrian KISS Army. That was pretty cool. Europe has a very strong KISS tribute scene. We even went to Germany in 2013 for a tribute band festival. We were the only Japanese KISS tribute there. I doubt lame-ass #KISS-Za! or The Elders even have passports. We Japanese have the strongest rock tribute bands in Asia other than the Philippines, most of their bands are too poor to go anywhere though."

6:49 PM, Hiroshi's name was not on the list... 

The end of the meet and greet was a bit of a clusterfuck. No one from KISS Haneta was on the guest list as promised in the email.

"If I had to guess I would say those pranksters from GENE SIMMONZ ASSHOLE pulled a fast one on us. 

Someone set up a KISSJAPANTOURBOSS2019@Gmail.com account and mailed us. They promised tickets, official KISS gift baskets and backstage passes. Also the after party at the Park Hyatt in Shinjuku to hang out with the band, crew and KISS ARMY Japan officials. 

We tried to crash the after party and it wasn't even there. I later saw KISS were staying at the Hilton! Gen-chan put it on his Instagram today. He had selfies with Sophie Simmons, Eric, Yoshiki and Doc McGee.

All we had to do was get to Tokyo Dome and meet fans in our costumes and full makeup at the merchandise line from noon to 6:50 PM. Then we would go pick up our tickets and backstage passes at the Will Call window. The staff at Will Call had none of our names on the list and refused to call the tour management backstage. 

That fat guardman threatened to have me arrested for trespassing if we didn't leave the area immediately. This was all 10 minutes before KISS hit the stage. Someone had a good laugh at our expense.

We got royally fucked. I was humiliated to the point that my entire manhood was destroyed. We all ended up buying same day tickets at $120 each way in the back. Those seats sucked and all the floor seats were sold out. We must have looked like assholes- all dressed to kill in the cheap seats.

With all the hassle we missed the first 3 songs too." 

 
FUCK KISS, Tommy Thayer, GENE SIMMONZ Cherry Red Asshole, The Elders, #KISS -Za!, Minato Riku and especially the KISS Army Japan. Kiss Haneta deserved more respect than that, and didn't stand for 7 hours in the cold posing for photos at great expense to be mocked.