Radiation + Beaches = Safer Beaches!! ( Part 1)

The Nuclear disaster in Fukushima has had an effect on much of Japan. Hit particularly hard was the Shonan beach scene. Business is way down at all the Yakuza- run beach bars and restaurants. They've had to raise prices to make up for their losses. A beach umbrella will now cost you 1500 yen as opposed to 1000 last year. Chairs are now 1000 yen from 800 in 2010.  The buff white devils who used the beach as their stomping grounds since the end of WW2 have almost vanished. They're still in Japan but keeping the fuck off the beach for safety concerns.




This Dwarf Xiphias Gladius fish hasn't been seen in the Pacific for over 100 years. Thanks to the radiation the local seafood stalls are serving up all sorts of exotic treats they find washed up on shore.


Hundreds of odd fish never before seen in the area are washing up on shore. Ocean temperatures are up over 3 degrees from normal and the bacteria count is so high that it would have to be closed by law in the USA and Europe. Still, unless you want to be a good consumer and go shopping or walk around outside staring at your phone, this is the only thing to do.

A local punk rock family can leave their bags unattended without fear this summer.....And no white guys will try to chat up his wife either!

With the small number of foreigners, it's safer for Kanagawa's Yanquis to act like LA Latinos without being mocked by real LA Latinos.

Kip struts his stuff down the mostly foreigner free shore- with minimal hassle!

Totally waxed, Kip Schwartz from L.A. is kind of
happy about the radioactive fallout that has spoiled the beach for
many people this summer.




Tokyo's transtesticles can fully enjoy the beach without threats and laughs this year as well.




Last year, these little nymphs would have been surrounded by American military with raging hard-ons and cold beers in hand.





   
Ah shit!

 
 An aroused Brazilian gentleman literally carries away two young ladies for some lovin'. The blond's boyfriend in the light blue shorts pretends not to notice and drowns his sorrows with his sissy drink- he'll never take a GF to the beach again!

My new best friend, Kip, warns me to avoid those drinking Bud or Coor's beer. That means they are from the military as those are the beers available on the bases at rock-bottom prices.

"I caught a lot of shit around the beaches last summer. Mostly from foreigners drunk on cheap Coor's beer in red, white and blue cans they get on the base for about 50 yen a piece. I think there was some type of order urging them to keep out of the sea and off the beach this year because of the nuclear mess up in Fukushima. Ironically, the disaster has made it safer for me here”

"The Japanese leave me alone. The Foreigners make cat calls. I'm really glad they are stuck on the base and not here this year"





The married father of three came to Japan
in 1992 as an Air Force cook. When his service was over he opened a
kids English school in Yokohama and married his desperate, average looking, Japanese teacher- who is twelve years his senior.






Two sexy local ladies give Kip the kind of feedback he wants!


“ A lot of these kids in the military
are close minded about men in T-back or G -String bikinis. It's a macho culture
and seeing me reminds them of their repressed homosexuality. It
doesn't bother the native men, who are much more open to occasional
sexual encounters with cool guys like me.”





The radiation has caused millions of these aggressive clam like creatures to come out in droves. The attach themselves to anything left overnight. They shoot out a long tentacle and hiss when you try to pry them off. No one has ever seen them outside the tropics until this year.



Kip is happy to be living in Yokohama now, " I'd get beat up in my old neighborhood walking around in this getup". He is right about the foreigners being
in short supply this summer. The Brazilians didn't leave as they have
nowhere else to go, so they are out in full force at beaches like Zushi,
Enoshima and Yuigahama- and more lecherous than ever.





The overall lack of tourists has also led to a lack of clean up staff. Most parts of Yuigahama Beach have been taken over by nature.

Kip is proudly prejudiced against all races other than the Japanese. He runs a popular website for expats in Japan that has a very popular racist forum. He has a very strong anti South American and African stance.

“ It still get's a little sketchy at sundown when the alcohol and hormones get going. A few Brazilian guys tried to rape some female friends of mine a couple weeks ago. I had to come out of the bar and rescue them as they were trying to drag one of them behind the shops over there. They start all innocently with the salsa music blasting and dancing. The girls think it's romantic and foreign. Their boring, muscle-less, Japanese boyfriends would never dance in public."

Sorry girls... Not too many Americans today. Will a Brazilian or two do?????



"One thing leads to another, the Japanese guys shy away and the trouble starts. A scientist friend of mine told me that 75% of them have some parasite called Toxoplasmosis or something that makes them violent, reckless and horny. By the way they behave I think it's true."

This sexy, tattooed American servicewoman defies the order and comes to the beach anyway. She also appears to be eating for three at the mess hall.



"Now these Brazilians and other South Americans, they're the real horny, violent guys you need to watch out for. They like the chubbier gals with some T & A.

Did you know there's Taco Bell in Japan? It's only on the military bases here though. Now the American military guys look pretty
tough with the stupid tattoos and muscles, but are actually all talk. They're also watched pretty closely by the MP and local cops”



Kip should just go home and fuck his fat wife.







Fuck that closeted Kip, the lecherous Brazilians, the Americans who are scared to go and those nasty clam things. I gotta go to town on this grilled fisherman's platter!